Are We Arguing Too Much? Signs Your Relationship Needs a Reset

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Every couple argues—it’s a natural part of any relationship. However, if you find yourself asking, are we arguing too much? it might be time to assess the health of your relationship and determine if you need a communication reset. Conflict can be productive, and insightful, when handled correctly, but frequent, unresolved, or toxic arguments can create emotional distance and resentment. Here are some key signs that your relationship might need a communication reset and what you can do about it.

1. The Same Fights Keep Happening

Healthy disagreements lead to resolutions and a deeper understanding of your partner. If you and your partner keep revisiting the same issues without making progress, or those disagreements escalate to name calling and disrespect, it could indicate deeper unresolved conflicts. This cycle can be emotionally exhausting and lead to frustration.

Reset Tip: Identify patterns in your arguments. Are they triggered by stress, misunderstandings, or deeper insecurities? Consider creating an environment of mutual respect and compassion.  Mutual understanding of what is being experienced and what is being said, will break the cycle.

2. Small Disagreements Escalate Quickly

If minor disagreements turn into full-blown arguments, it may be a sign that tension is running high. Constantly walking on eggshells or feeling emotionally drained after every discussion is unhealthy and draining.

Reset Tip: Practice de-escalation techniques like taking a break when conversations get too heated. Setting ground rules for arguments—such as avoiding name-calling or yelling—can also help.

3. You Feel More Like Opponents Than Partners

In a healthy relationship, partners work as a team. When arguments start feeling like battles where you must ‘win’ rather than resolve, resentment begins to build.  

Reset Tip: Shift from a me vs. you mindset to a us vs. the problem approach. Have discussions with the intent of gaining understanding rather than proving a point to "win" the fight.

4. Arguments Are More Frequent Than Peaceful Moments

If your relationship feels like an endless cycle of conflict with little time of peace and connection, your emotional bond may be suffering. Constant fighting can create distance and promote isolation and loneliness.

Reset Tip: Schedule intentional quality time without discussing stressful topics. Engaging in activities you both enjoy can help rebuild connection and remind you why you chose each other.

5. One or Both of You Avoid Conversations Altogether

Not all relationship distress comes from arguing—sometimes, the lack of communication is just as concerning. If one or both partners avoid discussions for fear of conflict, it can lead to emotional withdrawal.

Reset Tip: Create a safe space for open, honest conversations.  If communication is difficult, consider downloading your free 30 Minute Daily Relationship Checkin Guide to help facilitate daily connection points.

6. You’re Feeling Unheard or Invalidated

A relationship should provide emotional safety and support. If one or both partners feel dismissed, ignored, or invalidated, arguments can become a means of seeking recognition rather than resolving issues.

Reset Tip: Active listening is key! Repeat what your partner says to ensure you understand them before responding. This fosters mutual respect, clarity, and reduces assumptions being made.

7. The Relationship Feels More Stressful Than Supportive

While all relationships go through ups and downs, they should ultimately be a source of comfort and support. If your relationship feels like a constant source of stress rather than a place of emotional refuge, it may be time for a reset.

Reset Tip: Identify stressors outside of your relationship that may be impacting your interactions. Over-communication during these times ensures that each person is having their expectations meet without jumping to conclusions.  Work together to manage external pressures, whether they’re work-related, financial, or personal.

When to Seek Professional Help

If repeated efforts to resolve conflicts on your own aren’t working, couples therapy can be a powerful tool to help improve communication, rebuild trust, and create a healthier dynamic.

Final Thought: Arguing isn’t necessarily a sign that your relationship is failing, but how you handle conflict determines the health of your bond. Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps can help reset your relationship and strengthen your connection.

If you’re looking for support in improving communication and resolving conflicts, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me today!